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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)