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Which wine goes best with more wine?
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.