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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.