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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........