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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.