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I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk