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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
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