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I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.