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Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
I`ve given up on giving up.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich