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I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like