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So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!