Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.