Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"