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I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
really vry funny
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.