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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.