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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.