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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
heyy lol
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.