Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic