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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.