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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.