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Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
wants to rock and roll all night
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.