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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Gravity is a real downer.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"