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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
My mind has a mind of its own.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t