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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?