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I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."