Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
I want to sleep tighter
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!