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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.