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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!