Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
How long does it take to get obsessed?