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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
You make me want to be a drunker person
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.