Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.