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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.