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BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling