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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park