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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.