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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Ride me like you stole me.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.