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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I`m perfect you adjust.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.