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The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
is in no shape to exercise
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
We get it poets: things are like other things
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.