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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".