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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.