Daily Silly Status

I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.

I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.

When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off

Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.

The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.

Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard

I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.

I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.

Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.

I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.