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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".