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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.