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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.