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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.