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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.