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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume