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Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.