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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Youth is wasted on the young.