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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.