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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.