Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my mind had a delete button.
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!