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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
I always advise people never to give advice.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?