Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Siri, where are my pants?
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.