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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.