Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.