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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
I walked briskly with scissors today. Iām pretty wild.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things