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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.