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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
Safe words are for quitters.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...