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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Some of my best memories are naps.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.