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Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?