Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”