Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.