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I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....