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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"