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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop