Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....