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Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?