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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...