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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.