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The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?