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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.