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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Iād like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
Tieam... problem solved
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.