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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........