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Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?