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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.