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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.