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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
justin bieber
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!