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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.