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When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?