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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
i only drink on days that end with y
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.