Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.