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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Good for you, people that do things.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.