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If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I liked you better before we met.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!