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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.