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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window