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The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.