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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?