Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands