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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Iām a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.