Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session