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Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.