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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.