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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.