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Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.