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I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.