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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?