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Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.