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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.