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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.