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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.