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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.